Okay Then
by Advocaat
Summary: Oneshot Oh no! Ran has been kidnapped! Gasp! Whatever shall we do? Conan is left only with a ransom note and a mission. The leader of the BO unmasked at last!


The room...

It was... white...

Its was... empty...

Conan shivered.

If he had known that the headquarters of the Black Organization would be like this, he would never have messed with them.

Sure, they had guns, they had poisons, and they had all kinds of death specialists, but the scariest things of all...

"Greetings little detective boy! Please step through the door to your right."

...Were the loony's behind the scenes.

**Earlier that day..**.

Shinichi had been mortified when he learned of Ran's kidnapping. It had happened so suddenly. The only thing he could think was that he should have seen it coming, should have taken more precautions, should have _been there_.

But he didn't, and he wasn't, and now all he had left was _their_ note.

And _damn_! If it wasn't the creepiest thing he had _ever_ read in his _entire_ life! Holy crap these guys were _insane_!

'_Dear sweet little Conan-chan, we have your kinda friend but more like secret crush that isn't really a secret but we'll pretend that it is for the sake of our supreme mental-ness held hostage at our base. If you ever hope to see her again you will come to this address._

_ Insert address here _

_We have candy!_

_Good Candy!_

_And Ice cream!_

_Signed: The leader of the coolest most badass syndicate in the known universe, THE BLACK GHOST ORGANIZATION! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!_

_JK JK, they're only a branch of ours in the Cyborg009 universe. We won't make you go all the way there. 'sides, that Scarl guy is a friggin weirdo! I wouldn't wish him on anyone._

_Anyways, come git yer girl, she's making my lackeys bleed..._

_...It's staining the carpet._

_Ewwwwwwie!'_

**Present...**

That's why Conan was here. He had considered not going, but he needed to save Ran from their horrible crackpot clutches.

Besides, he _really_ wanted some of that ice cream...

But what did the mysterious voice of mysteriousness (Fushigi Mystery!) mean by 'door to your right'? There were no doors in the room. In fact, now that he thought about it where was the door that he had entered through?

Before he could dwell on this peculiarity any longer, the wall to his right opened up giving Conan a glimpse of the darkness beyond.

He gulped.

Who knew what awaited him beyond that door...

Resolve set and will written he stepped into the darkness.

Conan blinked.

And blinked again.

"Hattouri...?"

"Yo Kudou! Wassup?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Who me? Oh, well you know..." he shrugged.

"Uh huh..." Conan raised an eyebrow at the lack of anything even remotely descriptive in his friend/rival's response.

"The crazies in black kinda took Kazuha sort of, and I figured I should probably rescue her." Heiji scratched the back of his head. "Unfortunately I got a little lost and I don't know how to get out of this room..."

"Wonderful, so basically you're saying that we're stuck in here." Conan crossed his arms and glared up at the taller boy.

"Well-"

"**Hello again."**

Heiji was cut off by the mysterious voice of mysteriousness.

"**I'm glad to see the two of you have found each other. This will make things much more interesting."**

"Where is Ran?" Conan demanded, figuring the person could most likely hear them as well.

"And Kazuha!" Heiji added, glaring up at the ceiling.

"**Calm down, they're both safe for now, but I can't guarantee that things won't change unless you can get to them before your time is up."**

"What do you mean?" Heiji balled his hand into a fist. "Look, I don't know what your problem is, but you can't just go around taking people!"

"**Yes I can."**

"No you can't!"

"**Yeah huh!"**

"Nuh uh!"

"**Yeah huh!"**

"Excuse me children, but could we get back on track? I'd like to save my friends if neither of you mind." Conan rubbed his temple with the tips of his fingers in a feeble attempt to rid himself of a growing headache.

"He started it..."

"**Did not!"**

"AS I WAS SAYING!"

"**Ahem Right, you two have 45 minutes to find your friends, or love interests, or whatever they are, before my soaps end I decide to torture them or something- I'll probably have Gin do it, he's good at stuff like that."**

There was a pause.

"Can I ask you a question?" Heiji asked.

"**Haven't you been doing that this entire conversation?"**

Heiji ignored him.

"Who exactly _are_ you?"

"**Duh, I'm the leader of the Black Organization. Didn't you read the note?"**

"How would I know that you're the same person?"

"**Isn't it obvious?"**

"And what's with the dramatic bold dialogue?"

"**..."**

"More importantly," Conan interjected, "How did a person like you become the leader of such a professional and notorious organization?"

"**I'm evil." **The voice stated as if it explained everything.** "Didn't you know that by definition all evil people are entitled to a high benefit leadership position and their own syndicate? It's in the handbook."**

"Are you saying that by becoming evil you automatically get a bunch of power?" Heiji looked flabbergasted.

'**Pretty much, yeah."**

"Cool! Can I join?"

"Hattouri!"

"But he offered me power!"

"**Yes! Lot's of power! And wealth beyond your wildest dreams!"**

"Kudooouuuu!"

"Absolutely not!" Conan crossed his arms. "The protagonist always wins in the end anyway."

"I suppose you have a point."

"Yes, now can we please get going?"

"**Right right. I'll open the wall for you, just a sec."**

The small Tokyo tantei and his larger western friend stood silently waiting when suddenly the floor opened up under them causing them to fall screaming into a large rather bottomless looking hole.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

**THUD**

The two had luckily landed on something soft and weren't hurt.

Heiji and Conan sat up rubbing their heads.

"Man, good thing all these toilet paper rolls were here to break our- Wait a sec! Why the heck are we in a room full of toilet paper!"

"**Well, having a cult of lackeys is good for offing people, but getting them to go grocery shopping... Anyways, we keep giant stores of the essentials down here so that we don't have to do it as often. By the way, you're down to 40 minutes so you might want to get going."**

"Can't you at least give us a hint as to where to go?" Conan questioned but the voice had already gone.

"Guess we'll have to do it on our own brain power."

"Guess so."

The two 'swam' their way to solid ground and took off down a connecting hallway.

10 minutes later...

"Hey Hattouri, don't you find it strange that we haven't run into any BO goons yet?"

The Osaka-jin paused to catch his breath.

"I've been thinking the same thing. Also, pretty much all of the rooms we've been through so far have been white and barren, with the exception of storage." Heiji brought his fingers to his chin in a contemplative expression. "Think, did Mister BO Leader guy give us any hints as to where we should go?"

Conan thought for a minute then quickly looked up at his friend.

"I just remembered! In the letter left after Ran's kidnapping he mentioned something about a carpet."

Heiji looked confused.

"We're on a storage lever right?" Conan tried to get Heiji to understand. "I doubt that the BO would bother to carpet any storage rooms, which means we need to go up."

"Good idea, let's find some stairs. Only 29 minutes left."

They continued running until they reached a long hallway lined with doors. Nodding in unspoken agreement, they quickly made their way down the hall, each checking all of the doors on their side.

"Oi Kudou, I found an elevator room!" Heiji shouted over his shoulder. Conan shut the door of the room he was inspecting and followed the other boy.

Indeed it was an elevator room. There were six different elevators, three on each side, that all appeared to lead to different floors.

"So… Any ideas on which one we should take? We only have 19 minutes remaining."

Conan considered it for a moment then pointed at the only one that went all the way to the top floor.

"That one," he announced.

"Why that one?"

"'Cause I like tall places."

Heiji shrugged. "Good enough reason as any I suppose."

The elevator smelled peculiarly like honeydew melon mixed with cat food. A rather odd combination, but then again there weren't many things in this crazy headquarters that could be considered _normal_.

A couple seconds later the two could feel the elevator slowing down, meaning they were arriving at the top floor.

They felt a light jolt and the doors opened.

"いらしゃいません　 (Welcome), we've been expecting you." A pretty blonde lady in a business suit greeted them.

"Where are Ran and Kazuha?" Conan couldn't help but think that that question was getting pretty old.

"Right this way please."

"Hey wait a second, you're Vermouth!" Heiji quickly jumped away and pointed at the woman.

"Brilliant deduction Sherlock," Vermouth responded.

"Why are you dressed like a business lady?"

"…Part time job."

"Why would you have a part time job at your _regular_ job?"

"Can we please just get this over with?" she asked. "I have a massage scheduled in half an hour."

"Right then, carry on…"

Vermouth led them to a highly decorated door with big, bold, lit up letters saying 'Boss' Office', with little pink and yellow hearts.

Vermouth opened the door and gestured for them to enter.

The room was black.

The walls were black, the chairs were black, the decorative flamingos were black, heck, even the _lights_ were black. This evidently wasn't the black organization for nothing.

Before Heiji or Conan could say anything Vermouth led them across the room to another door. She paused just before opening it and turned to face them.

"Just so you know, the boss is a bit strange in the head so please try not to do anything that will excite him."

"Why do you work here anyway?" Conan asked.

Vermouth was silent for a couple seconds then said, "I was unhappy. My husband was dead, my daughter a delinquent, and…" She trailed off.

"And what?"

"…They offered me ice cream."

Conan and Heiji fell to the ground where they lay twitching. Vermouth seemed not to notice.

She pulled a key from the pocket of her skirt and inserted it into the lock on the door handle, then twisted counterclockwise. There was a click and the door creaked slowly open.

"Boss, the detectives are here to see you."

"Excellent, let them in."

Conan and Heiji stepped into the large room… the _very_ large room. The place was filled with arcade games along with an indoor pool and a giant theater television. Conan looked around. The Boss was nowhere to be found.

However…

"Conan-kun! Heiji-kun! What are you guys doing here?" Ran and Kazuha waived from inside the pool. The two males couldn't help but notice that they were very scantily clad in matching red bikinis. Not at all like the damsels in distress that they had expected.

"Wanna come swim with us?" This pool is awesome!" Kazuha invited.

Poor Conan and Heiji were quite confused. They turned to Vermouth who just shrugged.

"How do you like my office?" asked a voice from behind them. "Wonderful isn't it?"

Heiji and Shinichi quickly spun around only to find…

"TAKAGI!"

Wataru Takagi stood behind them wearing a pimpin' purple robe and sipping a glass of champagne. He raised an eyebrow. "Who were you expecting?"

"Not _you_!" Heiji exclaimed.

"Are you actually the leader of black Organization?" Conan was dumbfounded.

"Apparently."

"I thought you were one of the good guys!"

"Yeah, what ever happened to police integrity?"

"Oh, I thought you knew that the whole police thing was just a conspiracy." Takagi looked mildly surprised.

"What!"

"Well yeah. Crime rates went down so much that us police didn't have anything to do. We got so bored that we decided to create our own crimes."

"Wait, if the police are behind this organization then how are we supposed to turn you in?" Heiji asked.

"You can't really."

"Oh… okay then," Heiji turned to Conan. "Wanna go swimming?"

"Conan shrugged, 'Sure, why not."

おわり

I hope you all enjoyed my fic. I'll try to have the next chapter of 'Oh Jeez' up soon.

-CCV (Calvados)


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